Crystalyn Life Images | Blog

today

2010-07-26T10:53:00.007-07:00

I've pretty much given up the good fight on some of what we're supposed to do in this mothering business...at least for today.

It is a fact that I just bought all three of my little Slurpees right at lunch time and I haven't even thought about what to feed them yet.

It's also a fact that I told Thomas he could get a candy bar for putting his head all the way in the water during swim lessons.

So after lessons we went to SEV and I didn't want to hear the whining and crying about how unfair it was that he got a treat and they didn't, so they all got Slurpees and Thomas also got his candy bar and I just don't even care about the fact that they should be eating lunch right now instead of guzzling corn syrup and other junk or about the fact that this is the longest run-on sentence ever.

We had the best weekend away and I'm still basking in it's goodness. It was totally worth the mosquito bites and lost sunglasses. And it's taking away the sting of coming home to a broken sprinkler head and a failing dishwasher. At least for now.

Getting away without a care in the world is just we needed. I think I need to move to the country. Forever.

sweet rose

2010-07-09T08:56:00.003-07:00

Can't stop thinking about her...

Praying for her family daily.

4th of july

2010-07-08T23:06:00.002-07:00

loving these...

time

2010-06-17T07:55:00.007-07:00

I've been struggling with managing my time lately...although I constantly fill it with productive things and get a lot done (though never enough), what I'm doing with my time doesn't always reflect my priorities. I struggle with letting go of what needs to be done in order to pay attention to what's most important.

So this morning, instead of being a busy bee, I let Thomas get as close to my chair as he could while eating his two bowls of Cheerios. I stopped everything and watched his face and cute little mouth as he asked me if I would buy him an Indi-an-ana Jones costume. He was so excited when I said yes, that he took his pudgy little fingers and listed off that he would then buy Christian a Spider-man costume, Hanna a princess costume, himself a Batman costume and me a princess costume.

"Do they have big ones for you Mom?"

Yes, they have big ones for me. Can I get a magic wand with that costume that I can waive around to get my to-do list done so I can just hang out with my three and play make-believe all day instead? Their time is slipping through my fingers faster than sand and I want to hold on longer.

Fleeting moments captured from this session...

list: things i am loving

2010-04-20T19:08:00.002-07:00

Thanks Andrea for this list idea and the push to post...seems I've been in the trenches of "getting too many things done." Well, what's new? So here's what I'm loving right now:

1. Painting Hanna's toenails in a "patter-ern" with pink, red then glitter alternating between nails.

2. Netflix - watching it instantly on my TV. We don't have cable so this is such a treat.

3. Spring weather...finally. Even if I have to gear up for a storm in the next couple of days.

4. Being headache free. I had a headache for about 10 out of 12 days until Saturday. So happy to be out of that neck of the woods.

5. Thomas is potty-trained. About 99.9%. This has been a task I've always wanted to hire out because I go CRAZY during the process. Waiting until after he turned 3 has been the greatest thing ever. He put underwear on last Friday on a total whim and only had a couple of accidents that day, a couple the next day and he's got it. No stress. I still can't believe it.

6. Bonus charts. We started them today and they get a sticker for going above and beyond. It's a great way to keep me in the "positive reinforcement" mode and they want to do things to fill their charts up. We needed something to help us switch gears and this is really helping.

7. Sunday brunch with friends.

8. Reading. I'm actually reading a book and it looks like I'm going to finish it. I LOVE to read and hate that it's one of the things that gets pushed to the side when life gets too busy.

9. Mothering inspiration.

10. Fish tacos - homemade with Tilapia.

11. Them -

thank you christy

2010-04-20T13:18:00.006-07:00

My friend Christy - the artist who developed Addy Lane - just featured me on her blog. It feels a bit strange to write that, especially since I admire her work so much, but I wanted to thank her for her very kind words.

She's just made some of her beautiful actions available for purchase. They're dreamy...you'll love them. Be sure to check them out!

Why?

2010-03-25T21:30:00.004-07:00

Hey Hanna...

How come you're growing up so fast?

Yeah, I don't know either.

Same for you little man...

How can you be turning 3 already?!

Time needs to slow.down.now.

I have a couple of posts in the works but am trying to keep all my plates up in the air at the moment. Back soon.

list eighteen: what's occupying my mind right now

2010-03-03T09:16:00.003-07:00

eighteen? did you miss a bunch of lists? well, yes, you did. but they're all in my head right now and haven't made it to the blog, however i needed to write this one down to do some sorting this morning.

- dave gets home in two more days (+ 6 hours and 45 minutes - but who's counting).

- i feel like this week has gotten away from me and i still have a laundry list of things i want to get done before he gets home.

- i feel a bit tired so my list is overwhelming me.

- i keep reminding myself i've done it this whole month i need to just follow through for 2 more days...i can do this.

- part of the reason i'm feeling overwhelmed is because 90% of my brain is consumed with the fact that one of the littles is sick and has been sick for far too long and i can't make it better and don't have any answers.

- i'm worried and growing impatient. it's getting worse and i want to get to the bottom of it.

- i wonder if there will ever be a time there won't be laundry to fold and fold and fold and then quickly remember there will be and that i don't want that...i find myself strangely grateful for piles and piles of laundry because it means i have lots of people i love with me all the time.

- i'm grateful for batman, er batmen.

- am really curious as to why hanna decided to paint the carpet with her berry chapstick last night.

- am also really very curious as to how i'm going to get it out of the carpet.

- pleased that i was able to talk to her about it in a normal voice as what was going on inside my head was not so much in a normal voice.

- i hate food...a whole lot around this but it would turn this item into a post within a post.

- although i really love chocolate. yes i realize chocolate technically isn't a food.

- so glad christian's project is done and i'm proud of how hard he worked on it.

- feeling pretty good about how i've been able to run things the last little while but humbly recognize i have so.far.to.go.

- mostly just worried so i'm having a hard time focusing on or caring about much else.

- except for dave coming home. i'm ready.

The Light

2010-02-25T13:52:00.006-07:00

How, oh HOW does time pass so quickly? Thankfully this last month has. Dave will be home next week and I really can't figure out how an earth an entire month has passed by in what seems like just a few days. We are excited and counting down the last few days until he's back.

I found this poem on Nancy Doyne's blog and it really spoke to me. I especially love that The Light "encourages" us. That it chases fear away so we can open up and share the unique beauty we all have within us.

How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart

And give to this world
All its
Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being,

Otherwise,
We all remain

Too
Frightened.

- Hafiz

dream always

2010-02-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

Dream often. Dream big. Then follow your dreams without fear or caution.

When you get those thoughts and feelings - you know, the ones that make you smile and feel happy just to think about them - act on them them....without hesitation.

Run, don't walk. For that is when you'll find you're way.

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...

Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."

- Shel Silverstein

welcome to the rest of your life

2010-02-05T09:30:00.005-07:00

Last week I got to meet I got to meet two new parents and their beautiful baby girl.

I'm always moved when I get the chance to be in someone's home when they welcome a new little one to their lives. Everything is so tender.

These parents were pretty special. There were both so kind and sweet to each other, to their baby and to me. Both of them were completely smitten by their baby girl (I really can't blame them).

"Welcome to the rest of your life" is a phrase I heard on an ad just before going to this photo shoot. I have no idea what the ad was about, but I loved the phrase and wrote it down. What if I woke up each morning thinking, "Welcome to the rest of your life Crystalyn." What am I going to do with my life today? Who cares what's happened...what are you going to make happen from here on out?

I was still thinking about it when I read Ali Edwards blog post later on:

"The life you have led, doesn't need to be the only life you have." - Anna Quindlen

I put them together....

"Welcome to the rest of your life. The life you have led, doesn't need to be the only life you have."

Love it.

_________________________________________________________________________

Letter to Vancouver....

So while you're gone I'm going to write you letters here on the old blog and update you with iphone pics so you can still be a part of our every day.

Thomas got new shoes - fire shoes as he calls them - and all of the sudden he's all grown up. He looks at least a year older and I'm trying to let him grow up without holding him back yet at the same time trying to savor every.last.moment of my baby. I can't imagine how much more grown up he'll be when you get home in a month.

This morning he looked up at the sky and said, "Mom, that's where Daddy lives." We're going to be showing him where you really are on the map!

Also, Christian came home and let me know what a crush is. It's when boys don't really talk to girls but only because they kinda like them. Does he have a crush? Yep. How is he growing up so fast too?

We all miss you!

Love,
Me

since the 1970's

2010-02-04T20:54:00.006-07:00

"Mom! Mom! I'm cold," he yelled from his bed downstairs. "You promised me you would tuck me in."

So I went down and started pulling the blankets up underneath his chin. I started to tell him he might be warmer if he would just put some pajamas on.

But he interrupted me with, "I've been cold since the 1970's." I giggled and he broke open a smile showing all of his gaps. Then he continued, dead serious, "The 1970's, back when George Washington and Abraham Lincoln were born."

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and his Mom. At least I'm in good company.

list two: what we'll miss about dave while he's in vancouver

2010-02-02T22:26:00.004-07:00

List compiled by all of us left behind...

- His happiness

- Reading with him

- His chocolate chip cookies

- Being able to touch base with him during the day

- His company at night

- His laughter

- His Saturday morning pancakes made from scratch

- Coloring with him

- His optimism

- His yummy snacks after church

- His immediate comfort

- Playing games with him

- His help at night

- His mad clothes-folding skills

- Just HIM

list one: the way things are right now (2010)

2010-01-29T13:42:00.003-07:00

- We're getting ready to send Dave off for the month of February as he goes to Vancouver to work with the Olympics.

- The kids play pretty well most of the time and enjoy being with each other. Except.for.when.they.don't. And then watch out.

- Christian does not like me taking pictures and the ones he does let me take mostly involve funny faces, mean faces or strange body poses.

- Hanna loves all things art and spends a lot of time coloring, painting and writing.

- Thomas loves books, Star Wars and Legos. Mostly Christian's Star Wars toys and Legos.

- Christian loves science. He also loves Star Wars and Legos. He does not love Thomas playing with his Star Wars toys and Legos.

- Dave and I have started off the year with some pretty ambitious goals and are both giddy that we're making such fast progress with them.

- As a family we're working on being "self-starters," having a "positive attitude" and choosing "kindness first" in our interactions with others. Even Thomas is on board. Whenever he doesn't get his way or whenever Hanna whines he walks around chirping, "Pos-tive attude, pos-tive attude."

- I'm busy with a very full plate but feeling so incredibly lucky that I love to do most everything on my plate. If cleaning house wasn't on my plate, the above statement would read: "I'm busy with a very full plate but feeling so incredibly lucky that I love to do everything on my plate." Just saying.

- I get to volunteer every Friday morning in Christian's class and teach a reading lesson to the kids. I love getting a peek into his every day world.

- Hanna is happy and cheerful every day at school (this is what her teacher tells me whenever we chat) but always comes home telling me how much she misses preschool. You know, as in she misses it so much she wants to go back. I'm so grateful she had such an amazing experience with amazing teachers. I'm also hoping she moves on before the end of the year or going to 1st grade will really be a shock for her.

- Thomas is starting to dress himself and is incredibly proud of it. However, he has no desire to leave his diapers behind and I have no desire to make that transition until he is interested in it. And by interested, I mean begging me to potty train. I'm beginning to think this may not be for a while.

on my way...

2010-01-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

to Cali for a short day to photograph a newborn. I'm so excited I can't wait. I love watching families with their new little loves and feel so lucky to be able to document such a special time.

the thing about dreams...

2010-01-25T08:58:00.006-07:00

The thing about dreams for me has been figuring out exactly WHAT my dreams are. How do I envision my life to be in 5 years? 10 years? I've often found myself wondering about it. Of course there are certain elements that I know I want to have in my life, but I just haven't been one to say, "It's my dream to..." Not only that, but I have enough life under my belt to know that things don't always happen the way you "dream" or think that they will. There are detours and unexpected terrains.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately and have that feeling of impending change and growth but don't necessarily have an idea of where it will lead.

I heard a blip from Oprah's interview with Adam Lambert. He was doing theater and decided he wanted to take his life up a notch. Oprah asked him if he ever envisioned being the star that he is to which he responded, "No!" He didn't. He didn't necessarily envision winning American Idol (which I know he came in 2nd, but still), but he tried out because he wanted to change his life. American Idol was there so he felt he needed to TAKE ACTION with what was available.

I believe this is how things unfold. You do what you can with what you have and that teaches you something and/or opens the doors for something else. Little by little you build your dreams. But you don't have to have the whole picture before you start. Which is probably a good thing for me, because the truth of the matter is that what unfolds is probably bigger and better than anything I could dream up in the first place.

I also found this description on the Progressive Pioneer's blog (thanks Jefra for pointing me her way):

"Dreams are tricky little things. I think people often confuse their 'goals' with their dreams. If you make your only 'goal' happiness then you will find that your dreams grow organically out of that.

That is why a huge element in living your dream successfully is not being too attached to any one thing or any one dream.

...having that larger goal of happiness as a dream makes success almost inevitable if you are in touch with your heart and your soul. With each thing you do ask yourself, 'Does this make me happy?' If you take all these little steps with happiness underfoot all of a sudden you will find yourself living a dream, albeit a dream you may not have even knew you had!

The next step is learning to quiet the voices of fear that love to whisper 'no' into our dreams. That is a skill everyone should master and as children we had perfected, so it still lies within us. Our dreams may change, as we find that different things make us happy at different points in our lives, but each time we do something new we learn more and more. It's a snowball effect of ability and each experience gives you more of the tools you need to move on to the next dream or expand the one you are currently living."
- Abi

Looking back I can see how this has happened for me in so many ways. So I'm full of anticipation to see how my dreams continue to unfold. Instead of wondering about the excitement I feel bubbling inside, I am working hard with what's immediately around me and following the thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere that make me happy. Taking action when I see I can and living dreams I didn't even know I had.

I pretty much feel this excited about it...

...not too hard to figure out which child is me, is it?

life lists

2010-01-22T20:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever visited Andrea of Hula Seventy? I love her plan to make a list a week for the year. She is pulling some of her topics from listography: life in lists. I'm intrigued by documenting life this way and although I don't plan on being as structured as she is with it (let's be honest people, I'm just not that structured), it is something I want to collect over the year. I'm excited to have a compilation to put together. Perhaps I'll combine the lists with another photo journal project I'm mulling over in my mind. It could make a very cool "journal" when it's all put together.

gold medals and the three trophies

2010-01-21T09:05:00.002-07:00

It all started when I needed them to really speed things up one morning in order to make it out the door in time for school. I told them we were having a race, which of course turned into them racing each other, which eventually leads to tears. So I quickly told them they were racing time for a gold medal. Would you believe it if I told you they were both ready to eat breakfast from start to finish in 7 minutes? A record for us.

Then I remembered this post I read on Shawni's blog. She gives her kids awards for doing things she feels are important. When my littles started asking me if they could actually get some gold medals for beating the clock I added a little twist. I gave them gold medals for doing specific things during the day, and then I took Shawni's award idea and tweaked it to fit our family. I bought three small "trophies" at the party store when I was picking up some gold medals. I told them each week we'd be giving the trophies to whoever earned them that week. There's one for "Self-Starter," one for "Positive Attitude" (we've been having less than stellar attitudes around here when things don't go our way) and one for "Kindness First" given to those who are peacemakers and respond in kindness even when they feel wronged.

We started a week and a half ago with our first award night being held on Sunday. We gave the "Self-Starter" to Christian and the "Kindness First" to Thomas. No one has quite earned the Positive Attitude trophy yet, but there are a couple in the running for next Sunday. (Thankfully!)

Here's the amazing part...after talking about why we gave the awards to the children that were picked and using specific examples and explaining what we're going to be looking for this week, little miracles have been taking place. For example, Christian (7) put his clothes out last night, got up before us, showered, washed his hair and was dressed from head to toe by the time we were getting up. Tonight Hanna (5) put away all of her folded clothes and Christian's folded clothes while Christian pulled out his homework and did it on his own until he needed help reviewing his reading. The kicker? They did it all on their own. True story...I didn't remind, ask, beg, or cajole once.

Um, seriously?! I feel like I have a new life and I'm loving it. I kinda get the feeling they're loving it too.

a couple i stumbled upon today

2010-01-18T18:30:00.009-07:00

"The time is always right to do what is right."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I especially loved this quote as it is so pertinent to anything and everything really. And then I read this,

"Life takes care of those who live it."
- Maya Angelou

Seemingly unrelated at first, but they both rolled around in my head for a while and made some sense together...sure at times it's easy (and rewarding) to do the right things while other times it's much more difficult. There is more sacrifice. More of me required to give.

Yet, when I do what I feel deep inside - whether or not it makes much sense - life tends to take care of itself. Things fall into place. There is less worry, more peace, more hope, more beauty and more flow. It's easier to give, to let go, to understand, to forgive and move forward. It's something I'm focused on right now...doing the right thing in the sense of doing what I feel deep down is the right thing for the situation and just moving forward, following through and trusting that. The rest is taken care of.

and yeah, i'm excited for spring...

my little black book

2010-01-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

I realized just recently that I only posted 9 times from August 2009 through December 2009. Umm, what?! 9 times? Craziness. I guess my Fall was a bit of that...craziness. I felt like I barely kept my head above water some of the time. But I'm still sad that I didn't document it even though time seemed to slip through my fingers faster than I could accomplish what I needed to. And I'm sad that the ideas I had and things I was inspired by have now slipped out of mind and are incredibly difficult to recall. I want to find a way to make sure I still document and record what's going on as well as what moves me and inspires me even when my days are packed full. Something I'll definitely be fine tuning in 2010.

One of things I've started is a little black book of ideas. It seems I get a lot of ideas when I'm out and about or when I'm going to sleep. So now I have a little place to keep them together to come back to when I can actually do something about them.

What do you do to keep you thoughts and ideas together for later?

Inspired

2010-01-13T20:42:00.009-07:00

Besides being a Mom and a photographer, I also work part-time as an Academic Advisor at our local community college. It's a dream job really because I advise online so I can work from home be around my kids and here for all the things I want to be here for.

On Tuesday I went in to help out on campus because of the volume of students going in with classes starting. It was such a great experience. It's been several years since I've done advising in person and I got to meet with some pretty amazing students.

One student came in and wanted to know what he needed to do to get into Medical School. Not necessarily an unusual request, except this student is from another country and already has a degree in Engineering and has had a career in that field. He is definitely a non-traditional student. In the past I would have looked at him through all of the road blocks I saw in his way...at least 10 years ahead of him, money, language, etc, etc. But his determination broke through all of that. We went over everything and he didn't even seem phased. He told me, "I just have to figure out how to make it work." Not only is time not on his side (as he's in his 40's) but he has no money to invest in school right now, yet he is moving forward with his dreams.

Not too much later, a woman in her 40's came in and told me she wanted to look at different degrees and needed to know what she needs to do to get a degree. She was so proud of the fact that she just graduated from high school by attending nights and studying during the day while her son was in school. She told me that it taught her she could do anything. She knew she was a hard worker and she taught herself English by studying and working hard. The sky was her limit.

They so inspired me that it doesn't matter where we are at in life or what any of our circumstances are. We just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and pursue what we dream. I often spend a lot of energy "pondering" my road blocks and trying to figure out how on earth I'll overcome them. But it's clear that all that does is keep you in the midst of what's stopping you in life. The truth is we just need to keep on living and trust that our hope, faith, hard work, determination and perseverance will be enough and that God can make up the rest. Always.

So grateful for this New Year and everything it has already brought to my life. After weathering some storms in 2009, 2010 is bringing a beautiful horizon. I'm just so grateful...as Dave and I were talking about it this morning I couldn't keep the tears from flowing. Life is good. We all have so much, even in the midst of hardship and adversity...which, as it turns out, we all have a fair amount of as well.

One thing I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.
-Lucille Ball

You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can't say I am glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy.
- Carol Burnett

The Five Gifts of Christmas

2009-12-21T20:44:00.004-07:00

I heard this at church and plan on doing it every Christmas for the rest of my life. I love it because it's something easy I can remember throughout the season. The best way to do it is through service (not necessarily monetarily).

The idea is that every Christmas season you give fives gifts away...

A gift to a friend, a gift to a stranger, a gift to an enemy,
a gift to someone in need and a gift to the Savior.

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas this year! I'm still basking in holiday wonderful-ness. I don't want to get back to real life just yet...

Why a MOTHER needs to have photos of herself taken

2009-12-20T00:04:00.008-07:00

So her daughter can look at them 20+ years later and see her in a whole new light.

I'm mesmerized by seeing her close to what my age is now. I wonder what she's thinking about...what made her smile in those days and what did she worry about? What was her day-to-day like? How did she see the world back then? What were her dreams? The ones she tucked away and kept deep in her heart.

Yes, it's important to capture these glimpses that will live on forever.

"He made me suddenly realize that photographs
could reach eternity through the moment."
- Henri Cartier-Bresson

Just this...

2009-12-16T09:22:00.004-07:00

"I have a friend who reads people's auras. He sees all sorts of colors like green & red & purple. He says anyone can do it.

All it takes is forgetting everything you think you know & just looking. I've tried it & even though I haven't seen any colors yet, everyone I meet looks so beautiful when I stop knowing everything, that it's pretty hard to go back to the old way."
- StoryPeople

It's been a very crazy, busy couple of months. So much has gone and I find myself continually feeling grateful for so much. Things have been hard, but there is still so much to be grateful for. I feel grateful that I've been so busy even though some things have had to slide in order to do it all (a-hem....blogging...sleep), but I wouldn't trade it.

I saw this quote today and just had to take a moment to post it. One of the things I'm so grateful for in life is photography. For so, so many reasons and reading this reminded me of one of the biggest reasons...photography has taught me to find the real beauty in everyone. I see it everywhere now and at times when I'm out and about I long for my camera to capture it.

I appreciate so much seeing the world this way and love the opportunity I have to capture people's unique beauty. Everyone has it. It's so easy to see when we stop looking through the lens of what we think we know about people, or what we think about why someone does something, or what they appear to be. Instead, just looking at them and who they truly are. Try it...you'll see. Anyone can do it.

lately...in photos

2009-10-01T10:17:00.001-07:00

...a 95th birthday party for grandma melba

...another tooth lost

...new york in the rain

...halloween costumes have been picked out

...dance and soccer have started

...play time in our big, beautiful backyard mountains

...and plenty of newborn goodness

life is good.

Be Still

2009-09-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

Learning how to be still,
to really be still and let life happen -
that stillness becomes a radiance.

- Morgan Freeman

what are you feelin?

2009-09-29T10:33:00.001-07:00

I saw this on Shawni's blog and it made me smile. Hope today's gonna be a good day for everyone!

Another One Bites the Dust

2009-09-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

I love the double-gap smile! I love watching him talk and watching him smile. I can't believe how small these windows are...he lost his second front tooth not too long after the first and even though it's only been a week or so, the first tooth is already coming in.

New York Sessions

2009-09-02T20:44:00.006-07:00

Hello New York! I'm so excited that Dave and I get the chance to go next weekend! We went for our anniversary four years ago and had such a good time. So I'm counting the minutes down til we take off again and get a few days just to ourselves. Well, my camera is included with "ourselves." I'm really looking forward to shooting for a special project I'm working on.

I'm also available for two sessions while I'm there (Sept 11 & Sept 12). If you're interested please shoot me an email... crystalyn@crystalynlifeimages.com.

Five Years of Sweet-Shining

2009-08-29T23:07:00.005-07:00

She's five now. FIVE.

I told her about the day she was born...that I called her dad and told him this baby was never going to come. Ever. Then I called him back ten minutes later and told him we were having a baby. I knew for sure this time because my water broke. And four hours later she was in my arms.

That when she got here we named her Anna. But as I held her and nursed her through the night it just wasn't her name, so she came home as Hanna.

I would call her sunshine and sweetheart. Then one morning Christian came in the room as the morning rays spilled over the bed and said, "Good morning Sweetshine." And it was perfect.

Happy, happy birthday Sweetshine.

first

2009-08-24T23:25:00.008-07:00

"I want to go, but I don't want to go. Does that makes sense?" he asked wondering if there was any way on earth I could understand the range of emotions he felt the night before 1st grade.

"Totally. It makes perfect sense."

"Really? You probably don't feel this way when you go to college, but I always feel this way before starting school."

I assured him that even in college, I felt that way the night before school started.

Then I held him as he cried wondering why he ever said he felt excited because now he was just sad about being gone all day.

He's been apprehensive about it since the middle of Kindergarten when he figured out that going to first grade meant being away all day. Somehow I think he thought he would get home in time for dinner and bed and would miss out on his little life with us.

This morning he felt more excited and got up and ready with plenty of time to spare. We got to school and I walked him to his class line. His hands were in his pockets. His Star Wars back pack holding his snack.

I hung back. Then he turned and looked at me...the look that took me back to his first day of preschool when he was so uncertain...to the time he was so little and got his shots...even to the times he would call out to me when is his crib. A mother's heart saves each those memories up and can call on them all in an instant to read through their little ones.

He rushed back and gave me a hug. I hugged back and held back - the tears. I felt choked up knowing what he was feeling.

His teacher saw and called his name. She motioned for him to come to the front of the line. She gave him the biggest smile and a hi five. Then she took the small moment needed to make him feel confident enough that there was just one more glance back, and one more wave before walking into the building and into 1st grade.

I already love her. Thank you Ms. L. Thank you for making his day "the best day of school in his life." He loved it.

Where on earth have I been?

2009-07-23T11:34:00.005-07:00

Not very far away. Actually, right here, where I sit typing this post now. Only I have been working on a project that I'm happy to say is finally done. It took me a bit longer than I expected (my old perfectionitis rearing its ugly head here and there).

This is what I've been working on:

Come on over for a visit at www.crystalynlifeimages.com.

Now, I am getting my new blog ready to launch as well. Then I should be able to get back to posting more regularly! I have to say, I'm so excited! I feel like I'm living my dream. Living it and dreaming it are so different.

"Live life from your heart."

- Melody Beattie

I'm finding living this way makes all the difference.

Little Things

2009-06-26T09:29:00.007-07:00

A not so little thing, is that Dave and I are leaving for a river trip this afternoon and will be gone, sans children for five whole days. Five whole days also sans phones and internet access. I plan on coming back refreshed and rejuvenated. Looking forward to it! I'll return calls and emails when I get back next week.

Some little things I never want to forget...his trademark curls and trademark smile.

How is he growing up so fast?

"There are no little things.
"Little things" are the hinges of the universe."
- Fanny Fern

Officially Declaring a START OVER

2009-06-25T10:20:00.005-07:00

Dear June 25th,

i am declaring a start over now at 11:15 a.m. i am going to forget that by 6:45 a.m. this morning hanna had an accident and peed all over the couch and that a neighbor walked into my house unannounced and saw me in my morning glory and christian in his birthday suit. i'm going to move past feeling grumpy and hormonal and impatient. i'm not going to focus on the fact that dave left town and i am not feeling up to the challenge of mothering alone for 3 days. i'm going to stop thinking about the fact that i'm dreading putting on a swim suit on my river trip next week because i am feeling so blah about my body.

yes, i'm starting over and am going to focus on things that make me smile, make me feel calm, and inspire me. and i'm going to look forward to the rest of what you will offer.

just wanted to let you know so we can be on the same page.

thanks,
crystalyn

p.s. and now i'm going to go have a bite of chocolate.

can you believe...

2009-06-24T15:20:00.003-07:00

i carried my camera around all day and didn't use it, so i left it at home when we went to this little shindig. which meant that when i saw this magic light and flare, all i had was my phone. sigh.

back up, back up, back up

2009-06-19T21:04:00.003-07:00

you know you've heard it a million times. back up. things can go wrong. back up. well, i listened and i back up. and tonight i'm so grateful because things went wrong. files corrupted. i couldn't open things. and it was my external hard drive!!

soooo, in walks time machine. i heart time machine. seriously. LOVE it. i heart it almost as much as i heart my hubs who set it up for me to be able to go back and back and back until i can pull the file just before it corrupted and still use it. and all is restored again.

thanks time machine.

and thanks husband. i heart you the very most.

Heart at Work

2009-06-10T19:51:00.008-07:00

I should be working tonight and getting things done...crossing off that list. But I have to take a moment and breathe. Breathe down deep. I recognize my heart needs a moment. As it's been hard at work for the last little while. Probably longer than I realize, as sometimes it's hard for me to let myself go there - deep - when the busyness of life requires me to be in the thick of that.

I find it hard to write about things like this...the thoughts run around in my mind and as soon as I sit down to type, my fingers freeze and I forget. My heart still feels, yet somehow the thoughts in my mind hide and other thoughts replace them. Thoughts about what someone might think if they read. I've come along way about caring what others think. But still. The deep, down parts of me are quite timid.

Tonight, I stumbled on these words...

"Once you get over the fear, then it's a cinch," she said.
And then she leaped into a mountainous and unexplored region of her heart."
- Monique Duval

So I'm leaping. I'm holding onto the bit of courage I have to just write and try to sift through some of what rolling around inside me.

I know my heart is hard at work when I feel. Really feel. Feel really happy, and tender, and even a bit sad, sometimes all at once. The tears flowed on Sunday and brought about one of the best talks Dave and I have had in a long time. How I love him and am grateful for him. Monday was a happy feeling day. Today I feel tender. So moved by the things that have come my way...words, thoughts, people. My heart feels full, grateful, and ready to burst.

To burst with what? I'm not quite sure. I have been thinking about the giving in life. I want to give more of myself. And yet, I can't quite figure out the specifics of it all because when I try to nail those down I find myself stumped on what I would actually have to give. So I'm trying to break free from the continuous motion of life enough to listen and feel the moments as they come. I have to believe as I do that, that I will feel what I can give in that moment.

I keep working to be more open. Just more giving of myself...my experiences. More courageous to share instead of holding things so tightly and carefully. It's so my nature to be careful. To do it right. To hold back the imperfections. And oh my! are there imperfections.

Yes, this region of my heart is a bit unexplored and definitely mountainous. At times hard to climb...a bit steep, a bit rocky. But the view promises to be beautiful. And I long to see more.

WANTED

2009-06-03T15:48:00.006-07:00

Women who want to get fit...

Women who want to get together and support each other in their fitness goals...

Women who want to have a personal trainer teach them about proper eating and proper exercise techniques...

Women who want to learn how to eat to make your metabolism work for you (instead of the other way around) all without being hungry...

Women who want recipes and menus each week from a personal trainer that will help them achieve their fitness goals...

If you're interested in any or all of the above, you're in luck. My sister Brynnly, who is a personal trainer and fitness consultant has decided to work with a small group of women in helping them achieve their fitness goals.

She is organizing a group to get together and learn about your metabolism, what and how to eat, how to workout, how to perform exercises. She will help you tailor a fitness program for your goals, and will also be available to answer your questions and help you stay motivated to accomplish what you want.

If you would like find out more about what she's doing or be a part of her group, email her at brynnly@gmail.com for details.

Can you believe how much we look alike? I know, I know she looks so much stronger than I am (well, because she is), but other than that, it's like we're twins! Ha!

Those Two...

2009-06-01T13:25:00.003-07:00

this morning on the way to school.

"How come the sun keeps following me?" Hanna asks as she squints and covers her eyes with her hands.

"It's not following us. The earth is just ORBINATING around it." As he reaches over and helps cover her eyes.

Some pictures just have to be taken with your heart.

Sigh. I love them so.

True Story

2009-05-28T15:29:00.001-07:00

Christian: Mom, why is it so important that we wear helmets when we're biking?

Me: To protect your head if you crash or fall. What do you think would happen to your head if you didn't have a helmet on and you fell?

Hanna: You mean to protect your HAIR?

That's my girl! Style over function, style over function. Case and point:

MIA

2009-05-18T15:25:00.007-07:00

Definitely been MIA with blogging lately. Not that I want to be...just lots going on right now. And I'm still trying to figure out how to do it all. I hear it's not possible, but I keep hoping to find a way. So far it's been by giving up sleep and after a little while, that doesn't work out too well for me.

The last month has been full with baseball games, dance recital, Mother's Day programs, school visits, 2 trips to the ER (everything is OK), yard work, photo shoots, editing, getting the business end of things put together, family time...just life, I guess, but it seems to be really packed in these days.

And I want to make sure and take time for the most important things. Like savoring an early evening walk with my favorite people. Without thinking about to-do lists, and grocery lists, and business, and laundry and menu planning or any of those kinds of things.

Hope to be back soon!

Spring has sprung

2009-04-21T09:56:00.008-07:00

and I feel like spinning barefoot in the grass without cares or worries and just drinking in its blossoms, warmth and goodness.

Even though, I woke up incredibly grouchy this morning and was snippety with Dave. We all had a late night after Thomas slipped in the tub and busted his lip open. A trip to the ER and suddenly my boys and I were staring at 11 p.m. with sleepy eyes still open. As if that somehow justified my being moody and grumpy.

Thankfully Dave is a much less hard-going than I can be at times and didn't respond the same way. Then the sun played it's magic on me and of course I'm back to feeling carefree and happy. Grateful for Dave's patience. Grateful Thomas' big, bad swollen lip didn't end up needing stitches. And just grateful to be.

A little madness in the spring is wholesome for the king.
- Emily Dickinson
Or queen, I would add.

Finding my rhythm

2009-04-14T19:06:00.003-07:00

First it begins inside your heart.
Something moves.
Then opens.
Then frees itself.
And now you feel a rhythm breaking its long silence.
This is going to be good.
- Monique Duval

Sometimes I have a hard time putting into words the feelings that are dancing in my heart. Right now is one of those times. I feel so incredibly grateful for my life and for the wonderful things that are a part of it. I feel thankful for my journey and for the pieces of me that I feel coming to life. I do feel a bit as though I'm finding a rhythm I've longed for and somehow it's coming together. I feel freer to be myself. I find myself opening up...blooming.

A couple of weekends ago I had the amazing opportunity to have a mentoring session with one of my all-time favorite photographers, Deb Schwedhelm. I've followed her work and blog online for about 2 1/2 years and was thrilled when she decided to mentor. I've always been drawn to how soulful her art is. I've also been inspired by her kindness and giving in life.

It was a really wonderful experience. In addition to having a true, raw talent in photography, Deb is a natural teacher and such a lovely person. She was completely open about everything I wanted to learn and everything we talked about. I learned so much from her as a photographer and as a person. She opened my eyes up to a lot and I'm excited about the direction I am now taking with my photography. I really can't say enough good about her.

I don't know why I continue to be surprised at how my journey of self parallels my journey in photography. But in some crazy way it's all tied together. I keep finding that when I grow as a person, I grow as a photographer. I guess I feel like I'm coming to life in several ways.

Yeah, this is going to be good.

Here to Be Happy

2009-04-10T06:51:00.003-07:00

I saw this and I thought, "Yes! Yes, this is what it's all about."

I also thought, "What a great way to jump back into blogging."

Thanks Deb for posting it and giving me something great to think about this morning.

What Biking 100 Miles in the Desert Taught Me About Life

2009-03-30T12:52:00.006-07:00

I don't have to be the best at something in order to feel accomplished.

I have more strength and endurance in me then I knew. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Good friends are incredibly important in life.

A sense of humor goes a long way.

Sometimes a hill is steep enough and big enough that it seems impossible to climb when looking at it from the bottom. But you can get all the way up by focusing on doing everything you can right in front of you. Little by little will get you to the top of any challenge.

Rescuing others (including children) because something is hard does nothing for them. Believing in the fact that they can do it and letting them struggle to do so instills confidence and empowers them.

I can do hard things.

Sleep is better when the day's work is harder.

If I don't hold on too tight or try to control the bike so much, the ride is incredibly more fun. Let go in life and roll with what comes your way...even if it seems hard or scary or there is a possibility of getting hurt.

What you look at and pay attention to is always where you end up going.

The ups and downs are what make the ride fun.

Things in life are relative. The fact that I felt cleaner after an oh-so-quick dip in a dirty river is a testament to that.

There really is beauty all around. Sometimes I get so focused on the task at hand that I just forget to look. Taking the time to do that changes everything.

Proper nutrients are essential to having the strength to finish. Without them one simply runs out of gas. True physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

I'm so glad I have someone as supportive, understanding, patient, loving and encouraging standing by me in life.

Thanks Dave for an amazing weekend! And for taking all the photos!

Little Thomas, Big Thomas

2009-03-27T12:49:00.007-07:00

The only thing little Thomas wanted for his birthday was a "choo-choo balloon." And I wanted to make sure that any wish he had came true on his special day.

We went to the party store and ordered up a choo-choo balloon. When I tied it around his wrist he could hardly contain himself as he jumped up and down squealing, "Choo-choo balloon, choo-choo balloon!"

I could hardly contain my bittersweet feelings as I watched the last few hours of my baby's official "babyhood" slip through the hour glass of time.

We got back in the car and I just couldn't take it off his wrist and try to explain that I wasn't taking it away from him. So we all piled in...Thomas, Hanna, myself and Thomas the Train aka Choo-choo Balloon. I got on the freeway and started hearing some quiet fussing which quickly turned into a full blown cry.

When I asked him what was wrong I got a, "Choo-choo balloon...SCARED!" I reached back and pulled the balloon towards me but it was tied to his arm. So I held it as far away from him as I could until I could pull over and take it off of him and put it in the front seat.

All the way to Christian's school he kept whimpering, "Choo-choo balloon. Scared." He told Christian all about it when he joined us and kept on talking about it until I pulled over again and put the darn Choo-choo balloon in the trunk. When I pulled it out and put it up to my face, I was a bit alarmed myself to see Big Thomas staring back at me. Freaky, isn't it?! No wonder he was scared!

All ended well though as we celebrated his big day. He waited at the door for his Dad to get home so we could eat his favorite meal...spaghetti and meatballs (although he just eats the meatballs and uses the noodles to make mustaches for himself).

Then we sang Happy Birthday and he enjoyed his ~~cake~~ frosting & ice cream and his gifts.

I felt my heart ache just a bit to see my little guy grow into a new phase, but I couldn't be happier at who he's becoming. I adore him in every way.

Happy Birthday Thomas!

Soul

2009-03-25T20:28:00.003-07:00

"Our souls are written in our eyes." - Author Unknown

If I'm quick, every once in a while I can freeze fleeting moments like these when she is still and lets me look in. Thankfully. Because I want to remember her like this forever.

Catching up

2009-03-24T13:03:00.004-07:00

...with life. After I got over my cold I went out of town and since I've back I've been getting on top of things - everyday life, laundry (how does this multiply exponentially everyday?!) and catching up on some editing. I'm starting to feel like I'm getting my groove back.

If you've emailed me I am catching up on that today and tomorrow (promise I'm not ignoring you!).

This is what I've been working on...

"Every child begins the world again."

Henry David Thoreau

Sick Around Here

2009-03-04T09:54:00.009-07:00

Just last week I had the thought that we hadn't really gotten sick this winter. Bad mistake! Within a couple of days I got a sore throat, then the body aches, horrible headaches, congestion. I spent all day Sunday in bed sleeping off and on. I felt on the mend on Monday until about 4 p.m. and then spent most of the afternoon on the couch yesterday. Blah. Hopefully I'm over the worst of it.

I just wanted to get on today and share this quote I saw on Ali Edward's blog. I love it. I was just telling Dave the other night that for so long I was living with the anticipation of knowing what was next for us...what our future held. He applied to medical school in our early years of marriage and when that didn't work out we spent the next couple of years finding our way in the career world. I was always wondering what we would end up doing. As I told him, I got very used to living that way and it's easy for me to slip back into that kind of thinking even though there's no reason to. It seems for me that I have to make the conscious decision to live in the NOW. It doesn't come very naturally to me.

For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin -
real life.

But there was always some obstacle in the way,
something to be gotten through first,
some unfinished business,
time still to be served,
a debt to be paid.

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness.

Happiness is the way.

So treasure every moment you have and remember that
time waits for no one.

- Souza

Treasuring moments...
An early spring picnic. Still a bit windy and cool, but sunshiney and happy.

Yeah, what he said

2009-02-28T10:00:00.002-07:00

It's all about perspective. What we choose to see and whether or not we're grateful for what we have. I have to say I'm happier right now than I have been in a while and the only thing that's really changed is what is going on inside of me and what I'm choosing to do. My circumstances have not changed much at all. And if I had my way, I'd probably choose to change a few of them. At least I would have. Now I'm not so sure because they've been teaching me and I wouldn't want to lose what I'm learning for anything in the world.

An Unexpected Surprise

2009-02-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

It's taken me by surprise actually, but I just can't get over how many people do kind things for me. This whole idea was for me was to reach out and find things I could do for others, yet nearly every day I find myself moved by something someone does for me. Each day I am more and more grateful as I've become increasingly aware of how kind other people are. An added benefit to the Love Revolution.

Just one example is when I dropped Hanna off at her preschool Valentine party. One of the other mom's asked me if she can eat Skittles (she's allergic to peanuts). When I replied she can, she let me know that she made a Valentine with Skittles for Hanna. I was moved to tears when Hanna brought her stash home she pulled out a baggie with an adorable covered matchbox full of Skittles and a note that said, "For the little girl allergic to nuts." I learned the rest of the boxes had M&M's in them.

Seriously, if you don't want to do this for others, just try it for you...you'll be shocked at how your life will change.

Hope

2009-02-23T21:14:00.004-07:00

Today I'm grateful for HOPE among other things.

“Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes,
but above all, with blazing, serene hope.”

- Corazon Aquino

What about you? What are you grateful for?

Photo Journal Memories

2009-02-19T09:42:00.004-07:00

I've been working on my photo journal from last year. It's taking me longer than I wanted it to (no surprise there) but I am loving putting it together and am looking forward to having the book printed.

It's interesting to see what photos speak to me after the fact. I used my camera nearly every day, and now as I look back a year later, some photos that didn't do much for me before, really stick out to me.

One of them is this shot of the first day she let me leave her at dance all by herself. It reminds me of how she used to feel so anxious to be without me. She's completely grown out of that piece of herself and now has a confidence all her own, making this memory much more tender. I'm so glad I have it.

Simple Giving

2009-02-18T06:39:00.002-07:00

It's amazing how when I'm having a bad day I can struggle just to try and find one kind thing to do. I want to just hole up in my house and not reach out to anyone. But that's exactly when I'm the one who needs to reach out...for me. Isn't it crazy how that works?

I had a lot going on on Friday and although I put on my thickest shield, I still let myself get a little down. This carried over onto Saturday and I found myself trying to do too many things in a short amount of time. One of the things I was doing was making Valentine sugar cookies for a couple of people in my neighborhood. I need to remember that I have to make the dough the day before because it always takes so much longer than I want it to. The dough has to chill for several hours in the fridge. And don't be fooled into thinking that you can put it in the freezer for just a couple of hours and get the same result. It does not work, trust me.

Anyhow, I was getting a little down on myself that I wasn't getting it done and I felt like I was skipping a day of Love Revolution. However, the next morning someone told me about a different neighbor of mine who was feeling a little bit lonely, so I went ahead and baked the Valentine cookies the day after Valentine's Day and got us all in our coats and scarfs and dropped them off to this new family. We got to meet them (I hadn't met them yet) and they were so sweet. The husband said that we made him so happy and made his day by doing that. That one simple thing. I was actually glad that I hadn't gotten the cookies out the day before because that experience was so wonderful.

It's true that sometimes we (I) believe something small isn't that important. His words reminded me that they are. I was also reminded of how important they are when my feeling blah on Saturday was interrupted by a little Valentine cookie that Amy dropped off for me. It meant a lot. Thanks Amy!

A Reminder

2009-02-16T18:02:00.006-07:00

I was driving home the other day a bit lost in thought, when I looked over and saw a little reminder. I loved what a perfect visual it was to remind me that it doesn't really matter what my circumstances are I can still choose to bloom.

"Life is about becoming more than we are."

- Oprah Winfrey

Do Miracles Still Happen?

2009-02-13T17:20:00.004-07:00

I guess if you consider the fact that the area between both hemispheres of his brain was full of cancer and his pituitary gland had failed completely because of his tumor...

If you consider the fact that half way through his radiation therapy the cancer was completely gone...

If you consider the fact that the doctor who just recently looked at his current MRI next to his initial MRI kept uttering the word, "Unbelievable," over and over again...

If you consider the fact that he stopped taking his hormone medications (for the pituitary gland failure) when he stopped his radiation treatment and has stopped throwing up and has an appetite again...

If you consider the fact that when the doctor was asked what symptoms he might be having if his pituitary gland was still not functioning, he replied he would be dead...

Then you have to consider the fact that miracles do indeed happen.

Carlton, I'm so glad your well again. I love you.

Thank you for your prayers and love.

What she wants to be when she grows up...

2009-02-10T14:33:00.002-07:00

"A Mommy. With black hair on the top and blond hair on the side and on the side."

I guess my roots aren't blending as much as I thought they were. Nice.

Notice how many more fingers the Mommy has than the rest of the family. We need them!

A Button for Love Revolution 09

2009-02-09T14:30:00.011-07:00

Thanks to Leisha, you can have a blog button to help spread the word about love revolution 09.

Simply copy and paste the following code to your blog:

Thanks Leisha!

Love Revolution 09

2009-02-04T06:10:00.008-07:00

"I have this theory, that if one person will go out of their way
to show compassion, it will start a chain reaction of the same.
People will never know how far a little kindness can go."

- Rachel Joy Scott (First student killed in the Columbine High School shootings)

I was inspired by a friend last year to give some act of kindness every day for 10 days. I went ahead and did it for the month of February and loved it. Some of you did it with me. There's something about getting into the habit of thinking of other people and watching for ways to spread kindness that can't help but make you happy. It's contagious!

I don't think I'm alone in feeling like I want to make a difference in the world. And I believe we can change the world by changing our worlds...making a difference for the people right around us. Just one simple act each day. If I do it, and you do it, and you, and you, and you we can have a rippling effect in the world.

We're in a rough patch right now with everything seeming to crash down all around us. The economy is in the worst shape it's been during our lifetime. Our country is at war and has been for almost as long as my oldest child has been living. The media bombards us with all of our problems, everything we should be afraid of and all that's negative in the world. I'm tired of it all.

"You can really change the world if you care enough."

- Marian Wright Edelman

By focusing on others and getting into the habit of looking around me for people to reach out to I'm becoming more aware of my neighbors, my friends and even a sweet homeless woman in the parking lot at my grocery store selling trinkets so she could buy shampoo. I'm finding we all need a smile and sometimes a hug, a phone call or even just an email. There are people who cross our paths every day who can benefit from our kindness. The truth is we need each other. And I believe that we really do care enough.

So the love revolution begins...let's change the world.

Do you want to help spread the word? Get a button here.

Working on something...

2009-02-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

Come back then!

Have you seen this?

2009-01-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

It's so tender...

Look what I walked in on

2009-01-26T15:16:00.005-07:00

Fun Polaroid play

I really oughta follow his example.

A Glorious Morning in my Robe

2009-01-22T09:19:00.003-07:00

Christian got up sick this morning and Hanna doesn't have school on Thursdays, so I have been relieved of my chauffeuring duties. Which is why I can sit here at my computer in a robe at 9:20 a.m. And not feel too guilty about it. The truth is I'm not a morning person. I try. Oh, do I try. It's one of the reasons I choose morning school to make me be about my business early. But I'm not going to lie...it's nice to have a "day off."

Ha. "Day off..." I guess that's relative. I got a day off from driving to and fro school, but I'm not too naive to kid myself that my little moment here will last very long.

In the meantime, I've been organizing stuff around here. I'm getting things ready for some new projects and came across a few photos I love from a couple sessions that I did at the end of last year...

2009-01-20T22:38:00.003-07:00

Your wings already exist...all you have to do is fly.

- Christine Mason Miller

Thinking more about blooming. Everything we need really is already within us. All we need to do is spread our wings, spread our love, spread our good and our kindness. Just walk our own path and be who we are.

Family Home Evening 2009

2009-01-13T10:24:00.006-07:00

A friend of me emailed a Family Home Evening packet with a lesson for each week of 2009 that corresponds with the Primary theme this year. If anyone wants a copy feel free to email me and I'd be happy to forward it on to you.

And because posts are more fun with photos...another haircut. But this time we love it. She even got fairy dust blown on it at the end.

The Scooter

2009-01-12T08:11:00.001-07:00

“Hope is the thing with feathers – That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words – And never stops at all.”

- Emily Dickinson

He loves it rain or shine. I can only imagine what things will be like when he can actually ride it.

The Haircut Saga Continues

2009-01-09T10:10:00.003-07:00

I grew up as a tow head with really, really long hair. Hair that was rolled in pink sponge curlers with Dippity-do on Saturday nights for church on Sunday.

In 8th grade I finally convinced the powers that be that I seriously wanted a haircut. I lived in Peru and went to my friend's hairdresser. It was by the Galax grocery store and I explained in my Spanish that I wanted a bob. The hair started coming off and I kept saying, "A little bit shorter. Just a little bit more."

When all was said and done, I spent the next day in the bathroom at school wanting to cry because I knew I looked like a boy.

The second Christmas Dave and I were married I trimmed a couple of branches on our Christmas tree. It was then that he banned me from trimming, er cutting, anything of ours. Christmas trees, hair, anything really. Ever again.

When Christian was 9 months old I took him in for a trim and had ALL of his baby curls trimmed off. Everyone in my life was mad at me. They've since forgiven me. His curls never came back the same way and I'm still trying forgive myself for that.

On Monday I got my hair done. I wanted it cut just a little bit shorter than it was last time. I told my hair lady that I wanted it short enough but not too short. Luckily she's known me for 14 years so she knows what I mean when I say that kind of stuff. She did exactly what I asked for. And I'm looking forward to it growing out just a little.

As if that wasn't enough, I took Thomas in for a trim. I even asked my hair lady how to ask for a trim so that it wouldn't be too short. She said I should say, "I want to take just the tips off," or "just a trim." Novel, isn't it?

Well, all was going well until she cut the front of he hair and then held it all stretched out and said, "Is that enough?" I should have called someone to ask for the appropriate response. Instead I replied, "Well, maybe just a smidgen more."

Apparently a smidgen means cut his hair halfway up his forehead. Which, by the way, looks really awesome with his fine straight hair. Trying to make some headway with my cutting recovery, I couldn't bare to have her cut the rest just a smidgen shorter. So he has a mullet type bowl cut. Nice.

Now begins the "growing back" stage for both of us.

Away from the computer

2009-01-08T10:03:00.002-07:00

My IT guy (aka Dave) has been doing some really wonderful computer things for me, including organizing, backing up, setting systems up for more efficient and speedier processing. It's really wonderful having your very own, personal IT guy. I don't have to put in a ticket and wait based on priority. I am the priority and I like it that way. And I totally appreciate him for it.

Anyhow, it's required a lot of time of him on the computer which has left me time and space to do other things. The computer can be my main draw. You know, "I just made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, put the kids to bed, I think I'll sit down for a couple of minutes," or "I'm just going to take a little break," or "I'm just going to check my email really quickly," which can dangerously turn into a lot of time on the computer. So I've read a book in the last few days and washed and folded a lot of laundry and spent a lot of time with my littles doing all the stuff they want to do. It's been very satisfying. I have only missed the computer just a little. But enough that I'll be back again soon...

Time to make some changes...

2009-01-03T15:25:00.003-07:00

I guess when your six-year-old tells you your belly looks like it's growing a baby (and there is no baby growing in your belly) then it's time to stop pretending like not paying attention over the holidays (or the last 7 months really) hasn't changed anything.

My Baby?

2009-01-02T21:09:00.003-07:00

I was with him while he was eating a cookie this morning. I was looking out the window and had my chin in my hand. I looked over and saw him doing the same back to me. With my camera out of reach I grabbed the point and shoot and he even posed for me. He hasn't learned to look away from me when I pull my camera out. Ha. Thankfully. I could just eat him all up these days. He's so sweet. And getting so grown up. Where has the time gone?

A New Year, A New Word

2008-12-31T06:05:00.005-07:00

"Become who you are."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

There are so many things I feel like I am, but at times they are difficult for me to show. Perhaps they are things that I hope to be more than things that I am. But they are there. And I want them to surface and shine all of the time. Not just when things seem to be going extraordinarily well. In fact, I would prefer them to be strongest when things aren't necessarily going as planned.

"There is a place deep in your soul where a little seed rests. This seed is your amazing potential. Each time you push yourself, each time you breathe a true deep breath, each time you reach your hands to the stars, you nourish that little seed and feed your soul."

- Karen Tye

It's time for my seed to grow. For me to be who I really am. No more excuses. No more fear. No more waiting for other things in life to happen. The time for me to truly BLOOM is now.

Welcome 2009!
I can't wait to get started...

Loving...

2008-12-30T09:32:00.006-07:00

...things getting cleaned up and organized after a wonderful Christmas.

...that I kept things simple over the holidays (no Christmas cards even! A first for me).

...that I took a break (albeit inadvertent) from blogging over the holidays.

...this little project I completed for Christmas:

...The Happiness Project.

...that my brother is cancer free and done with radiation.

...my thoughts and goals for 2009.

...my word for 2009! I'm very excited about this one. It was unexpected (I was planning on a different word) and is really motivating me. Will post soon.

...these words:

"Don't let the perfect
be the enemy of the good."
- Voltaire

Dear Santa,

2008-12-24T01:20:00.005-07:00

All I want for Christmas this year is two more days before Christmas Eve. And if possible, some little elves to take care of the littles so that I can complete a few projects without being interrupted every 5 minutes or so. Even though I have been using my time wisely (I haven't even blogged since December 4th!), there still is much left to be done.

I've tried very hard to improve my multi-tasking skills this year, but they still aren't able to keep up with all giving all my attention to my most important three and complete my Christmas projects.

You'll also be pleased to know that I started wrapping two weeks ago. Unfortunately, I still have some to do before the big day.

Kisses promised!

Love,
Crystalyn

Melting my Heart

2008-12-04T22:52:00.005-07:00

The melting started as we were driving home and Christian piped up in the back seat.

"Mom, for your birthday I want to take you to a really wonderful place with lots and lots of beautiful tulips. But...it's across the ocean."

I think that somehow, even if he's 30 and I'm 60, we will have to go to Holland on my birthday and visit the tulips there. His thoughtfulness astounds me. For Christmas he wants to find me a touch screen for my computer so I can do everything with my finger instead of having to use my mouse.

Melt, melt, melt.

Then we decked our halls tonight. And the melting continued...

Diving Back In

2008-12-02T23:04:00.009-07:00

Blogging is a funny thing to me. At times it just flows and I can't wait to write. Other times I hear "blogger voice" start dictating to me during everything I do during the day and turning all of my going-ons into blog posts. Kind of annoying, as you can imagine. Then there are times when nothing makes it to my finger tips and the blog doesn't get updated at all.

When that happens "blogger voice" really tries to turn it up a notch until it finally subsides as well. And then I don't know where to start. That's about where I'm at right now. I have a couple of posts floating around in my head, but I think the best thing for me to do is to just dive back in and left my fingers do the talking. Stop over thinking. Just write.

I'm excited for this month and this season. I've been simplifying like crazy this year and I am enjoying myself so much. There are things I've let go of that I miss, but I am not missing the added stress I put on myself. Instead I'm trying to be with my littles and I think we are all enjoying that more. Having an available Mom beats just about anything I've decided.

Today we raked leaves, rode scooters and bikes in the driveway, jumped in said leaves and threw them every where we could. Then we raked leaves again, took a few photos and came back inside.

I sat down at the computer for ~~a minute~~ some minutes and was bombarded with "will you play with me?" and "will you help me?" and "can you do this with me?" Then I started doing really fun Mom things like fold laundry, organize closet space, reorganize clothing and such. This is when I learned a very interesting lesson. They followed me around (which I loved) but quit asking me to "be with them." They each played with their things, today it was legos and dolls, and it was enough for me to just be there doing my thing too. It was a wonderful realization.

I forgot to mention in all of that, that we she made several outfit changes. I loved all of them. She raked the leaves as Snow White in turquoise flip flops until it got so cold she donned her pink parka and a red summer hat with beaded flowers on it. Then she changed into her old stand-by...the white slip that she is sadly starting to grow out of. It was a bit chilly so the Spiderman slippers were absolutely necessary.

The best part was that she gave me the most sincere smile she has in a long time. It's impossible for me not to love this girl so much my heart just might burst.

Thanks for so many thoughts, prayers and emails about my family. Things are going well. My parents are on their feet again and Carlton just started his third week of radiation. He's almost half-way through!

Tuesday Tip on Wednesday

2008-11-12T12:06:00.004-07:00

I still feel like I'm trying to get back into my groove after such a crazy week last week. I'm getting there, although much more slowly than I'd like. I'm at my mom's house at the moment, but did want to quickly share a fun find. I am a lover of the momagenda. And momagenda.com has some free holiday downloads as well as weekly planner downloads so you can try out their system. I'm super picky about my calendars/planners and this is my all time favorite one. You can even buy their filler calendar and it comes with a plastic cover if you don't want to splurge for the leather planner. Did I mention I love them? Well, I do!

And just because I'm starving right now...I learned today that it's probably a good idea to go to the dentist with a full tummy. I so want to eat but can't taste anything and my tongue is bigger than my mouth at the moment. I'll remember to eat beforehand the next time. Hopefully that won't be any time soon.

Finally An Answer

2008-11-09T07:18:00.003-07:00

Carlton had a successful brain biopsy done on Wednesday night and although initial assessments were made, the biopsy takes 72 hours before an official diagnosis can be made. So on Friday night, after 10 p.m. he received a call from his doctor with an answer. His brain tumor is cancerous. However, if one is going to get cancer, apparently this is the kind of cancer to get because it is curable.

He was released from the hospital on Friday and will meet early in the week with his doctors to find out about his treatment plan. We all feel relieved to finally have some answers and to be looking on to treatment now. And we are incredibly grateful to know he will get well.

My Mom and Dad are getting stronger every day as well.

I LOVE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

2008-11-04T22:21:00.006-07:00

Today I voted. I always get emotional when I vote. I am always get choked up. And today was no different. As I stood waiting for my opportunity I felt the wave of emotion of gratitude and patriotism to be a part of such a great nation.

We've had our moments. We're in the thick of quite a lot right now. But politics, parties, candidates and political theories aside, tonight I AM PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. It is amazing to watch such historical events unfold. I love my country!

Well, it's the 5th now and I still don't have a minute to get my photo added. So I'm just going to go ahead and post...will add later. I'm currently at my Mom's watching her for a bit. Believe it or not, she had surgery on Monday. Really, there's no way I could make this stuff up. Her condition has required someone to be with her until she can get back on her feet again. She had a hernia that needed surgery and is resting and getting well.

Carlton has been resting well in the hospital and has been able to eat and hold food down which is a major improvement for him. He is going in for surgery at 4 p.m. The neurosurgeon is going to try to get a sample of the tissue to biopsy with a needle. If that doesn't work they are going to have to open him up. We're praying things go smoothly and that we will be able to find out what he has going on up there.

Fruits & Veggies Not Needed Here

2008-11-04T07:16:00.002-07:00

Apparently. We were having dinner and talking about foods they like. Thomas likes chips. Quite a lot really. However, he also really likes fruits and veggies. More fruit than veggies these days, but still. Christian chimed in that he likes fruits and veggies too. And then...

Hanna: I don't. Like fruits and vegetables.

Me: Fruits and vegetables make you smart and strong.

Hanna: It's OK. It's OK. I don't want to be smart. Just strong.

And with that, she ate her dinner that consisted of bow tie noodles with a little butter and a lot of Parmesan cheese. Some milk. No fruits or veggies of course.

Still waiting to learn more about Carlton. He had a spinal tap done yesterday. Hopefully we'll get results and a few more answers soon.

Are you voting today??

The Course Is Uncertain

2008-11-02T22:43:00.003-07:00

Faith is something greater than ourselves that enables us to do what we have said we will do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is uncertain.
- Gordon B. Hinckley

One of my parents' kind neighbors left a card for them this afternoon with this quote in it. I was so grateful to read it. For quite a few reasons actually, but mainly for my brother's health. Earlier this morning he and my parents received a call from his doctor who told them that he has ruled out inflammation in his brain. He has a growing mass there and we were hoping for inflammation. Instead, he is facing a brain tumor. We don't know much more than that right now. He is being admitted tomorrow to be monitored and to undergo more testing.

We have faith that God has a plan for each of us and although the course is uncertain to us right now, it is not by chance, nor is my brother alone.

Hospitals and Hearts

2008-10-30T21:48:00.002-07:00

This week started off with my Dad undergoing heart surgery on Monday. It was an outpatient procedure and he was released several hours later. He seems to be recovering well and in his true fashion, was back to work on Wednesday. Thankfully. It's so strange to begin watching age take a toll on my parents.

Christian & my Dad

On Tuesday my younger brother, who has been very ill, went to the hospital for an MRI. The results required a meeting with a physician the following day and a follow up meeting with a specialist the very next morning (today). Today he was at the hospital undergoing more follow up tests.

Tonight, my heart is concerned and anxious. Leaving me a bit at a loss for words.

Tuesday Tip

2008-10-28T10:56:00.006-07:00

Today's tip isn't from the newsletter, but instead a couple of places or things you can read for organization. I'm really struggling with this these days so I'm off to visit them myself. I need some refreshers!

The first place is FLYLADY. She is amazing and really helped me pull out of a hole after I had my second child. I needed her step by step...baby steps...to help get me up and running again.

The second is a book a read quite a few years ago but am pulling out again...Organizing from the Inside Out, by Julie Morgenstern. Her outlook on organization helped me develop a system that worked for me. Apparently she also has a book called Time Management from the Inside Out. I haven't read that one so I can't recommend it. Yet. I think I'll be reading it soon.

And to end with a photo...a Fall sunset.

Popcorn Spiders

2008-10-27T18:58:00.005-07:00

The morning was peppered with conversations about tummy aches and "don't you think I should stay home?" We kept getting ready for school. We ate breakfast. We got ourselves out the door.

Then in the car, "Annie is sick a lot and she stays home because she's sick."

Then, "Why can't I stay home when I'm sick?"

Then a long pause.

And finally, "Sometimes when I'm at school I really miss you momma."

"Oh, I miss you Christian. When I drop you off I think about you while you're gone and miss you."

Perhaps the tummy ache was more of a little heartache that morning.

So in the afternoon we got together and made popcorn spiders. Just to have fun. Just to hang out and be together.

I think it was just what the doctor ordered...for all of us.

Beauty?

2008-10-24T08:46:00.002-07:00

I came across this the other day. It really is no wonder there are such distorted views about beauty in our world. If only I can instill in my little ones, especially my Hanna, that true beauty comes from within. It's who you are. And when you are beautiful, you look beautiful. Without lengthening your neck or changing your nose or widening your eyes. I would also do well to remember this myself on hard days.

True beauty lies deep within. No matter what you look like on the outside, if you know you are beautiful, nothing can change that.
- Amy Davis

Our New Policy

2008-10-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

While we were in Vegas a couple of weekends ago we strolled through a couple of the casinos to get to the places we wanted to see. I say strolled...I mean I pushed the three of my clan in the stroller through the casino. I don't think looker-bys would have thought I was strolling. Just can't be that graceful and glam when I'm pushing that many at once.

Christian was really bothered by the smoke. I was thrilled. That he was bothered...not thrilled about the smoke. After walking through a couple of them he - in his "let's get down to business" and a little dramatic way - said, "They should have a policy about smoking! You know one of those circles with a line in it on a cigarette so you can't smoke!!!!!" I agreed that it would be much more pleasant if we didn't have to make our way through the stink of it, let alone the everything else of it.

Well, apparently he's pretty serious about having a no-smoking policy. Just in case any of you decide to visit, we have a no-smoking policy at our house now. And it's taped to our front door. With masking tape. So you can't miss it. Especially all the no, no, no, no, no words written at the bottom just in case the visual wasn't clear enough.

I'll be saving this piece forever. I think I'll frame it and put it in our house when it comes off our front door (after all of our friends understand that there will no smoking here). Because this little no smoking policy isn't just our house policy, it's our life policy.

Changed My Mind

2008-10-22T15:07:00.007-07:00

I'm a woman. I reserve the right to change my mind at any time. And then change it back again if I want. Isn't that a great right? I love it.

Well, I've just changed my mind...back. After a brief trial of having my comments off, I've decided that I like blogging better with them on. I actually like things about having them off too, but (until I change my mind again :)) I'm turning them back on. So...

Making My Heart Smile

2008-10-22T06:17:00.003-07:00

A couple of my favorites from last week...

This one just cracks me up. It seems they've had enough of me taking pictures.

And I feel lucky to have caught this moment. I was able to sneak it without either of them knowing. I would love to have a snapshot like this with my grandmother. I adored her, much like my little Hanna adores her grandmother.

These pictures remind me of one of the reasons I love photography so much. No matter how much time passes or how old I grow, I get to keep that glimpse of how bored she was, and how he did NOT want to sit on that hay, and how he didn't want to have anything to do with taking pictures. Just a simple snapshot can forever remind you of snuggling on the balcony swing at sunset long after those tender moments are gone. Photography lets you hold onto the essence of a memory and its feeling. I do, I love it so much.

"Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever...it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything."
-Aaron Siskind

Tuesday Tip

2008-10-21T06:46:00.007-07:00

Each Sunday at church I get a little newsletter and it always has a household hint on it. I hate to throw the newsletter away because I always want to keep the tips but I don't have a good way to organize or access them. Finally a little light bulb went on in my head and I thought, I can keep these on my blog and then I can access them anytime I want. So welcome to Tuesday Tip. Just a little something to help around the house...

Apparently these two tips were learned about on Good Things Utah.

1. "Green" and inexpensive bathroom and kitchen surface cleaner. Especially effective in the bathroom to prevent and kill mildew and mold, etc. Mix up the following and put it in a spray bottle. Keep in the shower to spray it down frequently. Once mixed it will keep about two weeks.

1 quart water
1/4 cup hydrogen peroxide
1/4 cup rubbing alcohol
1/4 cup white vinegar
2 tsp baking soda

2. Apply rubber cement on hardware like handles and door knobs when painting an item. It will peel off and protects the hardware.

And because posts are more fun with photos, a little Fall...

Blueberries

2008-10-20T09:19:00.007-07:00

Someone loves blueberries and I love him...tons more than blueberries.

Chain Reaction

2008-10-17T09:35:00.002-07:00

Inspired by this that I read a few days ago. Deb is inspiring in so many ways. Not only do I love her photography, but I can so easily relate to her thoughts.

So I wanted to start my own chain reaction. I'm getting in touch with my "five people" and wanted to share her thought because I thought you might want to too.

Babies Melt Me

2008-10-16T08:01:00.001-07:00

Especially when they're as snuggly and as sweet as this one. I had so much fun Lindsey! He is adorable!

If I didn't have babies of my own to love, I could do this all day long.

My Littlest Angel

2008-10-15T13:36:00.016-07:00

There are times it seems that he was sent just for me. Some days when I find myself on my knees pleading for a little extra help from above he comes and finds me. He wraps his little arms around my legs or crawls up on my lap and just snuggles. It's different than the usual hugs and loves he showers me with. He looks at me and it's as though he understands, knows, and is answering my call. Last night he put his face right up to my face and looked at me with the sweetest eyes. My own eyes filled with tears of gratitude and love as I felt an overwhelming feeling of my prayers being answered.

"Not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with. Here. Now. Everyday."
- Jeffrey R. Holland

How I love this little angel of mine.

A Perfect Weekend

2008-10-14T07:21:00.003-07:00

I loved spending time with my people this weekend. It reminded me a bit of my own growing up and doing the road trips. Lots of potty breaks, lots of "are we there yets?" and lots of hanging out enjoying each other.

I was surprised at how well the three littles did as I walked them all over the strip on Saturday afternoon. We went for quite a while...had lunch, walked and walked and walked as we checked out the "sights" (the ones of little eyes only, of course), and stopped for ice cream. I packed all three of them in the double stroller and Chrisitan and Hanna each took turns holding Thomas in the back. I heard plenty of "she has her hands full" as we strolled through the crowds. In the past I admit I felt a little bugged when I would hear things like that. Not so anymore. This weekend I just beamed inside and smiled to myself. Yes, yes I do have my hands full...full to overflowing with love. And it just keeps getting better.

The light on the drive home made me want to pull over and pull my camera out. The sun setting and lighting a storm colored sky was gorgeous! But our allotment of stops was being eaten up by the pit stops (read potty stops), so I had to settle for just pulling my camera out and shooting through the window at 80 miles an hour. Oh well.

All In A Day

2008-10-13T19:24:00.001-07:00

"Mom, can I have some milk?" starts off the day.

"Can I have a treat?"

"Can you help me do this?"

"Can we have a pet today?"

"Is it time for school?"

"Is it time for lunch?"

"Where's Daddy?"

"Can I have lasagna?"

"Do your flowers have pollen?"

"Do bees have pollen?"

"Can I watch TV?"

"Can I have a treat?"

"Is this flower real?"

"Is this flower real?"

"Is this flower real?"

"Can I have some water?"

"Is Thomas going to take a nap?"

"Is your hair brushed?"

"What's for lunch?"

"Can we go?"

Snow is in the forecast

2008-10-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

And I'm not ready...

So we're running south to try to catch just a few more moments of sunshine and warmth.

Back after the storm.

Christian's Star Wishing

2008-10-09T12:17:00.001-07:00

"If I wish upon a star do you know who I would be?" he asked me in all seriousness.

I looked up at him as he instantly responded.

"Spiderman."

"Really?" I chuckled.

"It's true."

Shadow Stories

2008-10-08T22:01:00.006-07:00

This afternoon, he was happiest just standing on this...

She ran up and down hills...

and he rode around and around and around.

Life is good.

October Fun Begins

2008-10-02T20:25:00.003-07:00

Tonight...

Dinner by candlelight.

Everything is just so much more fun with them.

Got Gold?

2008-10-01T19:47:00.007-07:00

Apparently we did, even though we didn't know about it.

Dave got in his truck after work and when it sounded like he was in the Nascar race he figured he had a hole in his muffler. He looked underneath his car and found this:

As it turns out, people are stealing catalytic converters and selling them off for the gold and platinum that are in them. They are hot commodities these days.

These guys are fast and left no prints at all. We learned police are investigating a few a day. One man has been hit twice. Now that's a bummer!

Moved

2008-09-27T19:19:00.008-07:00

One of the most moving thoughts I heard tonight...

The number of prayers we say
may contribute to our happiness,
but the number of prayers we answer
may be of greater importance.
- Elder Uchtdorf

I just love the thought of being an answer.